Beneath me

I always walk staring at the ground

Face down face down

staring at the ground

I always walk staring at the ground

And it’s not because there’s anything down there

 

Every little crack, little crack looks the same

Every bug you’ve seen before

You leave lots n lots of stones unturned because there’s nothing new there anymore

Still I always walk staring at the ground

Face down face down staring at the ground

I always walk staring at the ground

Because it’s the only thing beneath me

 

When I look up, look up at the sky, I feel your weight on top of me

telling me it will be ok

nothing’s wrong- it’s meant to feel that way

When I look up, look up: night or day

in public spaces or my private play

You consume my thoughts and my innocence

 

You call out, call out and tell me it’s your time

Reach out, reach out put your arms around mine

Your big strong arms that I tried  to fight

gave up when it hurt so now I just hide

from the looks, the looks in their eyes as they stare

wondering how

I fell, I fell for the umpteenth time

Whose fault this time? Yours or mine?

 

I hide, I hide so they won’t ask me to tell

They hide too because they are scared

They don’t want me to be their responsibility

Uncertainly feeling sorry for me

 

I always walk staring at the ground

Face down face down

I feel the ground beneath me

Face down, face down

feel like the ground beneath me

Feel like a thousand feet walked over me and didn’t even notice me

More like two feet a thousand times

More like one body too many times

Too much, too much inside of me

Not sure I should have to handle it all

Why do other little girls have someone to call?

Why not, why not play with someone not me?

 

My sky is tainted, I have no dreams

My heart, my heart is bursting out of its seams

 

“Keep your head up” they say

“Keep your head up” you say

I wish you meant it how they mean it

Wish you said it that way

But you don’t, you don’t

You’re still the dragon in my nightmares

You hurt you hurt

Make me filthy in my own eyes

Make me worse, much worse than the ladies of the night

Till I can’t, I can’t face another night

One day I’ll look up, look up and won’t see the crowds avoid me

Look in, look in and unfeel the fear within me

Look down, look down but the sky will be beneath me

 

For now

I always walk staring at the ground

Face down face down

staring at the ground

I always walk staring at the ground

Because it’s the only thing beneath me

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10 thoughts on “Beneath me

  1. Beyond the sadness of what people who have gone through this ordeal feel, i like the rhyme of the poem and the tune, almost like a song through out the poem. Good,good poem.

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